A poem of hate – Bullies, a diary entry and some random facebook stuff


10 little magpies – hung on the side of the fence – they ate the little sheep eyes – now magpies 10 are dead — magpies fly around and see – corpses of friends who fed – so they don’t eat the sheep eyes – they wise, they eat worms instead

Diary entry 11-12-2013

Well it is 13:16, it is the 11th of december, the year 2013. – Yesterday, me and some of the boys went to the bowling alley. Yesterday was a Tuesday. Tuesdays are 3 times out of 4 my payday. Also, Tuesdays are half price days at the bowling alley. Drinks are cheap, however the food, for what it is; is overpriced. – I saw a girl who looked like the german girl who made me feel good about myself in the angel pub. She was standing around by the guildhall toilets. I was going for a wee, she was blonde, average height and good-looking. – When I was at the library in town I did a lonely single man thing. I deliberately asked the girl working there a question I knew would be better answered at the desk for an excuse to talk to her. I think I came across quite expressionless. Before she finished in her conclusion of answering my question I just abruptly walked off and said “thanks, bye” (or something). This is the closest I have got to asking someone out in a long time, I have noticed I butt in when people are talking, this frustrates my friend ben because he likes to talk a hell of a lot without stopping about history and philosophy and things. I do like this because often I have very little to say to people. I do think his frustration is a little hypocritical, although me being frustrated that he is frustrated is hypocritical too. – I have a lump on my neck and it is scaring me. I should make a doctor’s appointment, I am scared to make an appointment a bit. I have been extremely frustrated at the doctors in the past for not explaining things to me very clearly and then telling me I was fine without checking anything, giving any referrals or logical explanations. I kept going back to the same doctor and venting my frustration and saw a couple of others there. They all did the same thing to back each other up. This happened over and over again and I was not taken seriously about my physical health. My complaints were ignored on the phone to local watchdogs, who eventually sent me a form but I was by then too depressed and confused to fill it in. The doctors denied I had autistic traits too and refused me any tests, looking back now it is blindingly obvious to me that I do, I even have it on paper now from the local psychiatrists. Eventually they drove me so frustrated and confused that I went to the hospital who refused to take me seriously (although by now this was understandable because I was terrified, confused and going even more mad than I would have been if they just sounded me out in the first place) for medical treatment and then I went round and round the accident and emergency department, as soon as mental health was read they just sent me for basic blood tests, although I thought they had lied about a chest x-ray which I did get at some point, so I was even more pushed into a weird dark nhs corner. Why did they all back each other up towards the start of this? Why could they not accept basic now officially true possibilities, why did they lie to me even in the mental hospital that they would give me a head scan but then just left me in my state of panic. So yeah eventually I ended up in a mental hospital. I said something quite rude to a caucasian asian doctor which I am not proud of, he tried to take me keys off me, I said he was “a disgrace to his fucking people” implying anyone living in england of his race should understand about poor judgment. I was not taken seriously in the first place and this had a domino effect on me and the attitudes of supposedly professional people. If I was a violent person I would have seriously hurt a few people, people should be more careful. I understand now why sometimes people who are unwell in various ways end up murdering people, I just think the victims are poorly chosen due to fear, confusion and poor treatment.

random Facebook stuff

Perhaps to deny people of poor judgement based on things such as Race, Religion, Class background, Sexuality, Ways of thinking and Generic function is to not allow evolution of better judgement and a more well thought out and civilised way of living for everyone. Although in the laws of our country violence is not generally encouraged, which is a good start. Does this explain the social acceptance of seemingly right-wing humour in television programs such as Southpark or american dad?

pasty for breakfast : not ideal. Chucked most of one and half of one pouch of tobacco down the loo last night. Bought ten royals this morning

I got a lump on my neck, and of course this is freaking me out. Twitching and sudden shakes all through the night