When Blogging Turns Sour
When I first began blogging I told myself it was my opportunity to ‘discuss’ the things that annoyed or troubled me about life. I wasn’t going to talk too much about me, my personal feelings or issues, just about those things surrounding me which affected me. Basically, blogging was to be my opportunity to be political or controversial, if I chose to be, without someone telling me to shut up!
Of course I soon discovered I had lied to myself.
What I truly yearned for was the ability to be candid, to have complete freedom of expression or speech. To be able to ‘talk’ freely about me without sanction. This is easy enough to accomplish, as blogging can be a great way to ‘talk’ anonymously.
So, feeling safe enough to journal my own life, feelings and thoughts, I begun to blog on a more personal level. In fact, I considered blogging as a sort of therapy! Yet, in allowing myself to relax and feel at ease I compromised my anonymity, I scuppered my safe haven of talk.
If I was insecure I could write about it, if I was having doubts I could write about it, if I felt upset I could write about it; easy enough, but maybe too easy.
As this safety to share didn’t last.
The reason; an incident which occurred a few months back.
A close friend, who had read my blog from the start, read a post of mine and decided to apply their own interpretation upon the content. This person read into my post what wasn’t spelt out word for word. This person then took the info they had gleamed from my words and twisted my own words against me.
To be blunt, they almost managed to stir up some trouble for me; trouble I didn’t need nor deserve. Without even one word of explanation from me, this person just went about trying to cause damage. This person had merely read about my life, and then decided to interfere by using my own words as a weapon.
I went from feeling I had some control, via my writing, to having none. My words were out there and they had taken on a life of their own!
Since this one bad experience I have become cautious. I watch every word, I refrain from speaking my truth and truly utilising my blog time for what it had become, my therapy!
From this I see every reader as a potential word twister, someone who is looking to find a chink in my armour and use it against me.
So, my desire to truly blog has been taken from me, and I feel I can’t really be me anymore! In effect, the reason for blogging has been lost and turned sour.
In fact, this bad experience was one of my motivations for beginning blogging for ‘Share Your Articles’. I desperately wanted to rekindle what I had begun, but was forced to end at my own blog. I was desperate to regain my real voice!
The truth for me, or what I deem to be my own truth, is very important and not being able to share that on my own blog is in many ways unbearable.
So I wonder, how candid can we ever truly be whilst writing?
Are we ever safe enough to truly bear our souls, and not face a consequence, deserved or not? Because we can never been sure who is reading, and what effect our words may cause or what notions our words may inspire in those who read.
Words evidently do have a power, but often we as bloggers may not be in a position to truly wield or control that power.
I have learnt a harsh lesson, and think there will be other bloggers out there who share my experience of blogging turned sour.
It’s sad, but it’s true.