This Was a Fun Fantasy!
I got wet last night…delightfully so. Great run. We did intervals. We ran 1 minute at Zone 4-5, then recovery for 2 minutes, Zone 4-5 for 2 minutes then recovery for 4 minutes. You get the idea. We just went up to 3 minutes then reversed the order. I am not a particularly fast runner, though I have my moments. All of this training is designed to make us all better runners. It is definitely working.
After my run I went to a film presentation being put on by Heritage Vancouver. The two short films were from 1966 and 1967. The first showed Vancouver’s West End (English Bay, Denman Street, Davie Street, Beach Ave., etc.) as it was being transformed. Many of the buildings still exist to this day. The second was on the unique points of Vancouver’s green spaces. Her lush forests and rocky shoreline. Her rainfall and the miles of beaches. It was a peek back at this place I love.
During my workout this morning I was thinking about some of the articles I have read online as of late. The buzz about Seth McFarlane’s hosting duties at the Oscars. Who looked fabulous, who looked like crap. In a way these things seem to have precipitated what the show is about. Kind of like the Super Bowl. Everyone seems to be more caught up in the commercials and the half-time show than the actual game.
As I was pedaling on the stationary bike, I pondered the question of what I would say should I have that spot light land on me. I am sure many of us have had our little fantasy about fame and fortune. We do this all the time. It is a comparative thing really. So I have worked out the little fantasy of how it was that next year at this time I found myself up on the stage at the Academy Awards. No, I wasn’t in a movie or anything like that. It was a little more abstract than that.
A thing I like to do, you see, is write on napkins. They will ultimately end up in the garbage can but from time to time I write on them and give them to the server. Should the server read it they will find at the end I am asking them to extend the life of the napkin.
Are you with me still? Eyes haven’t glazed over? I know, I know….what the hell does this have to do with me being at the Oscars next year. I am getting to that.
At one location I give the server the napkin and she shows this to her co-workers and they put a challenge out to other patrons. The title by the way is ‘The Napkin’s Odyssey.’ It goes over quite well and the pub decides to put this on the internet. It goes viral. A couple of young documentary film makers decide they want to check this out. The quest is on to find the original author of the first napkin. That of course is yours truly.
They find me a month before I do my 1/2 Marathon. I have just released my book as well. For two weeks they follow me around. They read my book and of course they love it. It has been well received. And so they have thrown together this documentary that I end up being in and yes, it gets nominated for an Academy Award.
Don’t I just have the most obscure line of thinking?
In any case, oddly enough they ask me to perform at the Oscars. Well, I am a writer. I don’t dance. I like to dance and do at home but I’m not really very good at it. I can’t sing. I like to and when I do at home I get all the dogs in the neighborhood to join in. I know, it’s a gift.
So I do this odd little tango with a guy dressed up as a pen. (Seth MacFarlane has got nothing on me, baby!) Oh, and just to let you know at this point my book has become an international best seller as well.
And then this is what I say at the Oscars (Drum roll please)
“I am not sure why I was asked to do this. Perhaps I am the flavour of the month and this just happens to be my allotted time, my 15 minutes of fame. It’s an odd thing really peeking inside this world. Not one that I feel I belong in but none the less I have been invited for a visit. So I will be a curious guest during my tenure, then take my leave graciously.
It’s hard to see all of you with all these lights trained on me. I can only see the first few rows and now I understand why Jack Nicholson always wears sunglasses to these things.
Did I think that writing on a napkin one Sunday afternoon would result in a documentary? Did I want fame with the release of the book? I don’t know.
I thought the premise for the documentary was really cool and I was delighted with the response it received.
As for the book, of course I wanted it to do well. I am sure all writers hope their work will be well received. That they will connect to the masses. Oh, and this gift we call words. I have a deep love of them. The greatest reward I have received from my success thus far is that I can now commit myself full-time to this craft that I so love. I can also explore other passions as well.
Success has given me the opportunity to help those close to me and to develop further initiatives in raising awareness regarding women’s issues, regarding world issues and just the challenges of being human.
Yet oddly, as I was walking up to the theatre tonight I was asked who I was wearing. I gazed across the expanse of stars (human ones) and saw Mr. Clooney looking quite fine and responded to this query stating that I am wearing Ralph off the rack, but I think George would look good on me too. Ah yes, I received a chuckle from the media personality who asked me this question.
I’m not wearing jewelery worth millions of dollars. Harry didn’t offer and I didn’t ask. Will I make a list? Will I be the worst dressed or best? I will likely be sentenced to mediocrity and you know, I am fine with that.
I had some fun with the hair and makeup though. It is always a blast to get dolled up, so sure, I am a bit of sucker when it comes to playing dress up. Still I don’t think I would feel comfortable in a dress that cost more than my car. That is just me, though. I would be highly intimidated by such a dress.
When I got to my hotel room last night I requested the vibrating bed…but I wanted the one that sang like Barry White. They don’t make them anymore. I think I missed out on that by about 30 years or so. Oh well.
Will anyone remember me a year from now? I don’t know. I hope if I am remembered it’s not for what I was wearing or how I looked. I hope it would be for making a difference, or for taking a chance, however small, in making this world a better place for all of us. That’s it really. Nothing more.
I would like to thank you all for inviting me to your party. I will be heading back home after this. Vancouver. City of my birth, keeper of my heart. Come on up and say ‘hello’ sometime. Thank you and enjoy your evening. “
And the Oscar goes to…….