Death and Resurrection
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” ― Anaïs Nin
I woke up this morning and I didn’t feel loving hands around me. I found a back turned against me. A back which had been that way for so long that I couldn’t remember his face. When you’re in a long distance relationship and have been for over three and a half years, certain things like messages, surprises, gifts, weekend getaways and Skype calls matter more than sharing a kiss or holding hands even.
“I’m jealous of people who get to see you everyday.” – Anonymous
What makes this situation five shades grayer is the fact that everybody around me seems to be in heat. I can be that crude, can’t I?! When my glass castle is shattering into pieces and those shards of glass are piercing into my feet as I walk, all I see around me is love, passion, romance and sex. I can be that crude. Dogs seem to be rubbing their lust in front of my face these days. I see couples holding hands, whispering sweet nothings in a park; I watch as a teenager claws her nails into his ribs as he zips on the road like a maniac; I see wives wiping milk off their husband’s upper lip; I watch as little children walk hand in hand; I’m silently watching as a man is holding his woman filled with his seed as gingerly as she were a crystal glass and it makes me ache inside. I feel like a stalker sometimes as I watch these happy people in love and I feel like Grinch who is probably trying to rob away their happiness.
Picture courtesy: http://boldloft.com/osc/images/gift_ideas/long_distance_love.gif
“I’ll see you when I see you”, he always says. I want to see you now and not when you see me… why doesn’t he get that?! “What is your solution?” he asks. Love, I stupidly mumble.
I know that I’m not the best girlfriend, confidant, friend, lover and shoulder in the world but won’t you give me a chance? Don’t let this love die on us. We’ve worked too hard… fought too hard to make this die such a lonely and painful death. I want to change and I know I can but won’t you believe that I can? I’m erratic and whimsical about everything which is what makes me ME… You’re structured and responsible about everything which is what makes you YOU… I don’t want a ring or vows or a child… I just want love that makes me giddy inside. I want love that is sickeningly sweet that you stay away from it for a while but can’t resist taking a bite again. I want us to be US again.
I love you. As much as I want to say I don’t and that I can picture a life without you, I can’t. I’ll still be irrational and demanding while you’ll be placid and evasive but love will be the glue that binds us together right? Just don’t give up on us yet. Don’t give up on love. Don’t give up on me. I’ll come through for you, love.
“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…” – http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/quotes.html#ixzz2hrZjHIfE